Things I Never Thought I Would Say

If you’re a parent, I know you’ve uttered the words; I never thought I would have to say that!  I have a little book full of funny things my kids say as well as funny things I say.  It’s just not something people prepare you for.  We had to explain to our daughter just two days ago that she couldn’t ride on the roof of our vehicle while we drove down the road.  Unreasonable apparently.

Here are 10 things I say that I hadn’t anticipated being part of the infinite wisdom I would pass on to my children. Sigh.

  1. Don’t lick the dog!
  2. Don’t lick the floor!
  3. You have to eat to live.
  4. Stop climbing the walls.
  5. Please stop playing with your penis.
  6. Son, don’t ask strangers if they are a boy or a girl.
  7. Please stop playing with your penis in public.
  8. Don’t kiss that slime.  Yes, I know it’s your baby, but don’t kiss it.
  9. Let’s just not lick anything that isn’t food.
  10. No, you cannot have that ladies baby.

I don’t know if you can tell, but for some reason a lot of what I have to say involves my children licking EVERYTHING!  What is it about the floor that says, looks tasty, have a lick!?

Stop climbing the walls.

I would love to hear some of the things you’ve said to your kids you never thought you would say.

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